


Close your eyes and I'll kiss you. Tomorrow I'll miss you

by Taniushka12



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Finale spoilers, Fluff, Kissing, Lots of kissing, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Poly Renée Minkowski, mentions of mindelka, set around early season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-21 01:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15546447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taniushka12/pseuds/Taniushka12
Summary: In which Eiffel had a crush on Minkowski, tried to bury it deep when he learned that she was married, and now is struggling with it after she casually mentioned that she was, in fact, in an open relationship.





	Close your eyes and I'll kiss you. Tomorrow I'll miss you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KirstieJ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirstieJ/gifts).



> A minffel i needed to write, based on a headcanon i thought ages ago
> 
> (shoout out to my friend kirstie for being great in general and always being there to share and talk about minffel when nobody else was (at least until recently, but still). Her aus and scenarios are the best and she always gives me the funniest ideas to draw + is a gr8 friend. This is mostly for her, since w/o our convos this scenario wouldn't exist, ♥)
> 
> PD: if you didnt finish the podcast please read until the second line, because the third part is actually post finale

 If somebody had asked him a few years ago for his opinion on Renée Minkowski he would have told them that she was mostly a stick-in-the-ass fascist who was for some reason really into talent shows. Of course, a few years ago he was an idiot who just got out of jail and didn't know any better. Not that he wasn't an idiot _now_ , but at least he could name some of the reasons why she was one of the most capable and best people in the whole station while knowing very well that he was actually telling the truth for once.

 She was the most capable, competent, strong, down to earth -ironically- and intelligent woman Eiffel has ever seen. She was, also, beautiful, funny, and a few more things he thought as well, but perhaps with... a bit more sentiment that he would have liked. Maybe a lot more affection that he was comfortable having in that situation, which was a lot coming from him. It was unprofessional, he tried to think -as if he cared about that-. Mostly because she was his superior officer (...not that that _really_  bothered him), and, also, maybe because of the fact that she was married.

 (Definitely)

 He knew that and he respected that, of course he did. Sure, he may have liked to know _before_  he started to feel somewhat mushy inside when she touched his arm or when she looked at him at the end of the day with tired but glad eyes (after all he wasn't known for doing always his job, but when he did? Hell was a lot more bearable with good company and an honest smile), but really, he wasn't the best to talk about honesty.

 Anyway, the point being was that he knew he probably wouldn't have tried anything with her, on a larger scale because she was married, and on a smaller scale because if he was being honest she was just too good for him. He just had no chance, and he was in peace with that. He could handle some pesky feelings himself thank you very much.

 —...Then _why_  are you acting like an idiot _now_? —He asked himself in the mirror in the bathroom wall, being in the middle of a ranting monologue to himself and feeling like the biggest douche for... what, discovering the object of his affection has an open relationship with her husband and starting to avoid her? Wow, really mature, asshole. He splashed some water on his face, or at least tried to, in zero gravity.

 What he could even accomplish with that? She _was_  too good for him, he knew that, the fact that she could hypothetically like him back didn't change it. And even then they had too much going on to think about it.

 ...

 —But...

  He stared at himself in the mirror; a mess, as always, feeling like an idiot teenager again and catching feelings for his best friend. He huffed. Huh, a ten years old bad relationship can really fuck up your perception of things. Who knew.

 

* * *

 

After a day of mayhem on the station things finally calmed down, and at the metaphorical dawn everybody went to their rooms after taking care of all the injuries. Minkowski felt his feet and lower part of the leg sting a little under the bandages, but it was nothing she couldn't take, really. She had much worse days on that station.

 Worse days, sure, with everything falling apart once and again and again, but at least they had the very thin grasp of control over themselves, instead of having three quasi militar babysitters sent up from command (four, counting Hilbert... but if she was being painfully honest with herself she considered him more on her side of things). Things were going... okay, they had no intention in killing any of them, at least for now, but she knew that could change at any minute now.

 She sighed, massaging her eyes and starting to unbraid her hair when a knock on her door interrupted her. She looked at it with a frown, grabbing something that could work as an improvised weapon.

 —Hera, can you see who's behind my door?

 —One second, sir. —It wasn't the AI's expert, apparently, seeing how the two of them became friends rather quickly and would know if she was there—It's... It's just Eiffel, Lieutenant.

 —Eiffel? —Well that was... unexpected, considering he's been... distant, those past few days—. What's he doing...? —She started to murmur, before unstrapping herself from a sitting position—. Nevermind. Thanks Hera.

 —No problem.

 After the initial confusion she called him in, seeing how he hovered at the door for a few seconds before asking.

 —Eiffel, what are you doing here? —Her voice sounded tired, but he just smiled.

 —Nothing, just coming by to see how captain Janeway was after the borg attack. —She rised an eyebrow, vaguely tying the name with a star trek or star wars show—. You... uh... looked kinda worn out in the lab. You okay there?

 —I'm fine. My foot and leg are pretty sore but hey, it could have been worse.

 —That's the spirit.

 —What about you? You got hit pretty hard on the stomach too.

 —Me? No, I'm okay.  Some bandages here and there and I'm good as new. —He laughed a few seconds before wincing. Minkowski frowned, pushing herself from the bed to the space besides him, being careful of her leg but not letting that stop her.

 —Eiffel you're not okay. —She said, as she put a hand on his shoulder. He tensed under the weight of her hand, but otherwise just made a face.

 —I'm _fine_ , commander. Really. It's just a big ol' purple bruise, nothing I haven't had before.

 —Now that's reassuring. —He pursed his lips at her sarcastic tone, but she just raised the hand that wasn't in contact with him—. Okay, I get it. I also had my share of "big ol' purple bruises".

 —You mean in this tin can or like, in general?

 —Both.

 —Hmm...

 —... I might have been on a fight, one or twice, before.

 He smiled, chuckled as his stomach could handle.

 —Not surprised, but that's a story i wanna hear sometime.

 —Hah! Of course you would.

 He laughed some more, winced, and then covered it with a yawn.

 —Uugh, I'm _so_  tired. —He whined, letting his head fall backwards and almost drifting off thanks to anti gravity, if she weren't holding him via the hand on his back. She smiled a bit, but agreed.

 —Yeah, me too. I'd go to sleep right this instant if I didn't have to unbraid this... mess. —Her long brown braid floated besides her with more dignity than she felt in that moment, only managing to be that long thanks to the weightless void of space. But to be fair, it had been a rough couple of days and it was pretty easy to tell, looking at it.

 Eiffel raised an eyebrow.

 —You... want some help with that?

 —If you think you can manage this monster, then sure. —He chuckled.

 —Oh, you'd be surprised.

 He went to grab the tip of the braid, but she patted his back a few times, ushering to go inside.

 —That may take a while, have a sit while you're at it.

 —Uh, yeah, sure. Lead the way, Rapunzel.

 She rolled her eyes, briefly looking at the sides of the corridor before closing her door. When she turned he saw him looking at her room with curiosity, looking at the tidy, yet crowded space full of books, some pictures, and an old Walkman floating around with the headphones still attached to it. She always hid all the music cds below her bed, not wanting them to float away and break and don't wanting people asking why there was a music cd floating in the middle of her room as well.

 Finally he sat at the side of her bed, strapping himself so that he wouldn't float away, and started to unwrap the mess that was her hair.

 —Nice room. It's full of... book.

 —Yup. You can always borrow one if you're ever tired of staring at your movie posters.

 —No, thank you. Mark Hamill still has a few tricks to show me.

 She laughed under her breath, but winced when he tugged too hard at her hair.

 — _Ow._

 —Sorry.

 After that the room went silent and  thankfully without any other hair incident. She found it... odd, to say the least. She wasn't used to her communications officer being that silent. She also wasn't used to him being that distant, and both of those things together generally didn't bring anything good. She tried to make conversation, reading somewhere that it lifted spirits in times of necessity.

 —You're pretty good at this.

 —Eh, had my fair share of princess hair too. Except mine was... much more messier than yours could ever be.

 —I don't doubt it, but don't overstate me, my hair had very dark days as well.

 —Oh? Do I sense a Minkowski Original coming up?

 —You brought it up.

 —I'm not at all complaining.

 She couldn't see him, but she could still hear the smile on his voice, and a small one appeared on her lips as well. Both for that and for the memory.

 —Dominik- You know, my husband?

 —...Mhm.

 —He's great, he really is. I love him dearly. But.

 —Oh, boy, what did he do?

 —But he's a disaster with the scissors. —She heard a snort behind her, and smiled a bit more—. I'm serious. Once I didn't have time to go to the hairdresser and he offered to cut my hair. I said sure, thinking how that would save us some money, before I saw the mess that was my hair then.

 —Oh my god.

 —And then when he offered to try to make it right I had to stop him with a firm "honey, I love you. but the only way to make up for your mistake is to buy a razor and shave my head."

 — _Oh my g_ \- And what did he do?

 —What could he possibly have done in that situation? He apologized a few times, and went to buy a razor while I sat on the bathroom thinking how much time would it take to grow my hair that long again.

 At this point he had a hand on his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh while she felt him lean into her. It was cute, how a nice story could lift him up that way. She remembered past days, after the doctor's betrayal and before the arrival of Lovelace, the brief moment where, sure, the station was falling apart, but they were the closest of peace with each other that they have ever been on that hell trip.

 They chatted some more, air light between them, or at least lighter than the past few days. Her smile faltered when she felt him thread her hair with his fingers, having finished and apparently too caught up talking to ask for a hairbrush. Before he could even mention his withdrawal, she started asking, tone as lightly as she could manage.

 —Hey, Eiffel...?

 —Yes, commander?

 —...You can tell me if there's something going on, you know that, right...? —She felt so awkward, feelings were never her forte, but she could feel some uneasiness coming from him and the least she could do was try to, well, talk it out before it explodes on their heads the next time they all find themselves on a confined room during a malfunction (bless their station). She only half turned at him, and saw his quite fake easy smile.

 —What do you mean? Everything's great, aside from, y'know, the imperial troops h-

 —You've been acting strange -stranger than Usual- these past few days.

 —...I don't know what you're...

 —Doug.

 Now that he was in visual range she could see how fidgety he was, trying to avoid eye contact and pulling off those painfully obvious not real smiles, as if she could let the subject drop. But his name catched him off guard and he looked up at her, swallowing. She tried to say as nonchalantly as she could.

 —We both know you're lying, I'm just saying that you know it'll came up again, so tell me now, or...

 He kept himself silent, or at least tried to before he tried to ramble his way out, and then something clicked.

 —Did I... Did I do something? That's why you've been avoiding _me_? —She tried to think back a reason why she could have caused that, but nothing came to mind, tried to remember the last time they've been all together, but there was nothing that she could have... Unless... She squinted, confused about why would that be the cause.

 —It's not, it's really not your fau-

 —Is it the fact that I'm on an open relationship with my husband?

 He was looking potentially terrified and at the last developments he started to deny with his head, but he did look somewhat guilty. She grimaced, thinking that that kind of thing wouldn't happen up there as well.

 —If you're worried about that, I'd never pull the line of command on you, you know? I-

 —That's _really_  not the problem.  —He interupted her—. In fact, that's the absolute polar opposite from my problem!

 —So? —She frownded, and he imitated her for a second before giving up and sighing, pressing his hands to his eyes and face. It took him a few seconds to speak again, but she listened attentively.

 —Before I say anything, yes, I know it's unprofessional, its childish, it's all the things you wanna say but... —He visibly faltered, gaping for words, and Minkowski started to feel bad when he looked at her again—. I... really, really like you, on a, y'know, pink-ish red-ish romantic sense. Already did for some time now, but tried to forget it when you mentioned that you had a husband.

 —Oh...

 —And _then_  the other day you said _that_ , that you were in an open relationship and I don't know. I panicked. Because I'm an idiot.

 —Oh.

 He sighed, heavily and without being able to look at her, and apparently missing the small smile that threatened to came out from her lips.

 —Yeah... I know... Call me Mr-

 —So I was right about you. —He looked up to her with surprise painted on his features.

 —You- what? What do you mean? Why- why are you smiling?

 —I knew you felt something for me.

 —You _**knew** **!?**_

 —Yeah! Or rather, I thought you did for a moment, but never actually had proof so I forgot about it. But I was right. —She could pride herself on a few things, but feelings weren't one of them. She briefly wondered just how obvious he must had been for her to catch it, when she realized that he not only still looked terrified but was actually trying to unstrap himself to float away. Before he could do that or even say anything, she spoke again—. Oh, no no, wait. I like you too.

 —What? Why?

 —Wh- What do you mean why? —Those words took her by surprise, now frowning in disbelief. Eiffel didn't look any better, with confusion being the only plus to his expression, and the body language of someone who didn't know if wanted to flee or not. Eventually she made a gesture with her hands and sighed—. Do I really need to-? Okay, fine. Let's see. Yes, you were a pain in the ass at first, and sometimes still are, but... I wouldn't have gone so far here without you, not with half of my sanity intact, at least. You calm me down, Doug, you... when you're not disobeying and putting yourself at risk you make me feel at ease, and I really appreciate that. Also you're funny, despite everything...

  _And pretty too, sometimes_ , part of her thought, _and I almost couldn't bear the thought of losing you_ , another part said, but decided against both. It was already hard as it is with the way she felt her heart beat faster, like she was the protagonist in one of Dominik's romcoms. When she realized he still looked shocked she couldn't help but go on.

 —When I first thought that you had- How did you call it? "pink-ish red-ish feelings", whatever That means, I found it odd, but then I got used to the idea and... Well... Yeah.

 —It's Aerosmith.

 —What?

 —"Pink it's like red but not quite", it's a... Uh, nevermind. —He stopped looking like he would die in any moment, which was nice, but the awkward air surrounding them grew stronger each second that passed, seeing that neither of them was saying or doing anything. Eventually that situation brough her to one some time ago, and couldn't help but laugh, too tired to try to hide it. Eiffel's face relaxed a bit, asking—What?

 —This... this is even worst than when I first asked Nik out for a date... After I did it he just stared at me, looking confused as hell but still smiling, and asked me "Renée, this... I thought this was our third date?" —That still kind of embarrassed her, but she could only look back at that moment with fondness after all. Luckily that did the trick too, when her room got covered with his friend's laughter and later her's.

 —Oh my god that's hilarious.

 —I'm not the best when it comes to feelings, hate to admit. —Their tone was light yet again, and even as the laughter died he kept smiling, voice softer.

 —Nah, that was one hell of a speech. —She felt his hand on her arm, gently caressing her wrist with his thumb.

 —You were the one trying to confess, I shouldn't have done it.

 —I wouldn't have confessed if you didn't have pushed me. —His hand went from her arm to her shoulder, lightly squeezing it.

 —I wouldn't have pushed you if you didn't have avoided me for a week.

 —Okay, that's fair. That was on me. —He cupped her face on his hand and really, in that day they've done more psychical contact than in their first entire year together. She smiled one last time before bending down.

 —Yeah, that was on you.

 His lips were warm against hers, curved a little for their smiles but finally sliding comfortably against the other. His hands on her face pushed her closer, brushing her slightly freckled skin with her thumb and then cupping her neck and hair. She sighed, and smiled a bit again seeing the concentration behind his closed eyes.

 Finally he put some space between them, enough to sigh and say, while pressing his forehead to her's.

 —You're no joke one of the most incredible people I met in my entire life. —He opened his dark, nearly black eyes and fixed them on hers, before he smiled—. Yes sure, the first months or so I might have thought you were also worst than prison, probably, but I would have seriously died without you then. You know me, drowning in space or making some horrible mistake and good-bye and good-night to my life. I... —He chocked on his own words, instead pressing random kisses all over her face as he kept talking between them—. You, are a nerd, who loves making talent shows for whatever the hell reason, you and your Pryce & Carter, but I'd be damned if I didn't think you're great and super badass. And smart as hell. And funny. —He finished talking mid kisses when he kissed her again on the lips, noses bumping in the middle, and looked at her with a nervous yet cocky smile—. How's that for a speech?

 She was, accordingly, speechless, caught off guard for all that, and felt her face grow hotter as he kept looking at her like she was more beautiful and precious than the literal star that they were orbiting. He swallowed, kissing her again for the last time and sinking his face on her neck, arms tying on her waist in a bear hug. She felt him shakily sigh on her skin, and wrapped her arms around him as well, feeling overwhelmed.

 —That's one hell of a speech. —She repeated his words from before, really meaning them, and felt him laugh a bit.

 —'m sorry. Got carried away with it.

 —Don't apologize.

The room around them was silent, machinery humming aside, and Minkowski could feel with perfect clarity the beating of both of their hearts, and the rustling of their clothes against each other. She hadn't thought about it often, or at least she tried not to, but if there was one thing she really missed from Earth -from home- was physical intimacy. Kissing the top of his head she couldn't help but wonder when was the last time she felt that close to someone, already knowing the answer.

 —...For the record, I really didn't think any of this was gonna happen when I came here. —He murmured, some time later and after passively exploring her back with his hands. She also did some of that, pulling him closer by the back of his neck and sinking her hand on his thankfully growing hair, hearing him sigh against her ear.

 —So you just expected to, what exactly? Wait until it goes away?

 —Pretty much? Didn't work tho

—Hm, I'm glad it didn't.

 He laughed muffled against her neck, and then she felt his lips kissing her skin and the tip of his nose poke at the side of her face. Ah, it had been a while since the last time she felt that, she thought, briefly closing her eyes and burying her hand on his curls while she gave him more room to work with, before she lightly dragged him by the hair to kiss him again. Apparently that had an effect on him, gasping against her mouth before she cupped her hands on the back of his head and licked inside his mouth.

 Now, this shouldn't have come as a surprise to her considering the man in question, but as they both pulled the other closer and hands roamed, she quickly discovered that Eiffel was pretty noisy when it came to physical intimacy. For a brief moment she got worried that someone may hear, but 1. the station's walls were quite thick and 2. the moment her cold hands dragged into his lower back he gasped her name (her _name_ ) in surprise, and oh, it has been a while since she heard that too.

 — _Renée..._

 They took a moment to breathe, his forehead leaning on her temple while he closed his eyes, until he asked.

 —Okay, I get why I didn't say anything, but what about you?

 She pulled a half-smile, a bit stained by the circumstances.

 —Seriously?

 —Yeah?

 —I didn't tell you for two reasons, mostly. First because I'm your superior officer, and it would have been very-

 —Unprofessional. —He said with her, before a laugh escaped his lips—. Knew you were going to say that...

 —Unprofessional and unethical!

 —Good thing I liked you first, huh? ...And what's the... other reason?

 The room became silent once again, as her smile wavered. He looked at her expectantly but without saying anything for a change, and she wondered if he also knew what she was going to say.

 —Doug... You've seen the station. Our entire situation. There's just... there was no time. We don't have time for that now.

 —...We have... a bit of time. —He mused, kissing her at the corner of her lips as if asking permission. Seeing neither that or rejection he kissed her a few times, pressing his parted lips against hers longer each time, caressing her face with a softness she didn't know he (chaotic being) could manage. Even if she could see as clear as day his not so innocent intentions the way he held her face was incredibly tender.

 She returned the kiss for a few seconds, opening her lips and closing her eyes with a sigh.

 —Doug...

  _There was no time..._  Echoed on her mind, before she wrapped her arms behind his body, dragging him closer and threading her hands on his hair. A small noise got caught on his throat, finally coming out when she started dragging her lips down his neck. She almost wanted to pull away just to see his face, small pleads whispered behind her ear to the air around them and she gently bit him, she was certain he must have looked like a picture in that moment.

 A good thing about zero gravity was that she didn't need to support herself on the mattress, instead holding him closer by the hip with one (careful with his injuries) and holding his head with the other. Feeling his bruised lips brush against the palm of her hand was one thing, a nice thing, but she felt a shiver down her spine when she felt his hands feeling her skin inside her shirt and the way he captured some of her fingers inside his mouth. _God, Doug..._

 She sighed against his neck. She didn't know which was more distracting; the hand cupping her bra, the hand tracing the hem of her pants, or the tongue lazily licking her fingers. The thought of how much she wanted that tongue somewhere lower flicked on her mind and she quickly took her hand out of his mouth with a shiver.

 —Min- Renée, please... —There was certain urgency on the way he ushered those words, and she couldn't help but agree. Although when his hand reached the skin above her stomach she tensed, and the sudden pain on her leg brought her to the real world. She gently pushed him apart.

 —...No.

 —N- What? Why not? —It took her a few seconds to pull herself together before looking at him, red shiny lips and blown eyes. If she focused she could even see a faint trail of saliva from the tip of his tongue to her shaky fingers, and she took a deep breath.

 —Doug, no, we- We have no time... You have to go back to your room, tomorrow you have that shift with Jacobi and Kepler, remember? Try to gain info of them and... —If he looked confused then, now he looked confused and unfoundedly a bit annoyed as well.

 —Really?

 —Yes, _Doug._  Really. —She frowned, mostly out of reflex, but then she pinched her brow with a hand -her dry hand- and relaxed—. We-

 —Don't have time, yeah, I got that part-

 —Do you? Because it sound like you- —She took another breath of air—. I'm... I'm serious. Doug. We're in the middle of- Our situation is **bad**. We can only trust two people and one of those is most likely wired. These people want us submitted or _dead_. We have more things over our head that we can count, we can't go around acting like college students. You know?

 A faint smile creeped on Eiffel's face, before he made a face.

 —Yeah I... —He sighed—. Do you think I don't know that? I just... I thought we could, maybe, I don't know, forget all that for a few minutes and... relax, y'know?

 She knew. She really wanted that, too. But she couldn't. At least not that night.

 —Go back to your room, Doug, it's late.

 Silence took over the room again, only bothered by their heavy breaths as they calmed down while they stared at each other. Finally he let out an exaggerated whine.

 —Fine... But can I at least kiss you again? You don't know the embarrassingly long time I've wanted to do that. —She rolled her eyes, but a small smile finally fought its way to her mouth and he smiled with her.

 —One last time, and you go.

 —Yes, my commander.

 They both chuckled, bodies circling the other carefully while she cupped his cheeks on her hands and kissed him tenderly. His hands found their place on her arms, very gently stroking them with his thumbs until she pulled away. She rested her forehead on his, one last thing stuck on her head.

 —Hey, Doug?

 —Hmm?

 —When we get... If we get-

 — **When.**

 —...When we get back, I'll talk to Dominik. —She looked at him, open expression right in front of her—. I'll talk to him about you, what happened. I know he'd understand. —She smiled, more than sure that he'd also love him but keeping that one to herself—. We could... I don't know, watch a movie? Sometime?

 He laughed, although with something nearly bittersweet at the edge of his smile.

 —I'd love to. I'd... really love to do that...

~~~~

* * *

 

 

He's not sure how much time they've been at it already. He went to sleep a few times, but day and night barely ment anything when you were on a starship. At least that was what they said to him since he technically never experimented this "day" and "night" dichotomy. Either way he was there, in that moment. Awake and looking through the window at the now every time smaller wolf 359.

 It was strange. He knew that he spent the last... what, three? four? years around it on the Hephaestus, not only him but all of his... friends, and yet for some reason he felt more attached to the star itself than the piece of dead metal still floating around it. Granted, he did heard the stories of said death trap, which would be a factor, but if he was being honest to himself he just thought the star was beautiful.

 He frowned, frustrated. He wished he could feel _anything_  regardless the station, if only so he could connect in some way with his old newfound friends.

 —Doug?

 Speaking of which, he teared his eyes from the fading star and instead set them on the person around the corner. Minkowski looked tired, hand pressing against her eyes, and Eiffel low key wished they could be closer to star, knowing the natural red light from it would make a pretty scene. He smiled instead.

 —Hi, Renée.

 —What're you doing here? It's... late.

 —I couldn't sleep? Mostly, but also I just wanted to look out the window.

 She raised an eyebrow, but got closer to him. She was a tall woman, specially in comparasion to his own short stature, and he sometimes wondered how would it have felt all those years where he just floated at her side. He wondered, too, if she found it odd now to look down at him.

 —There's not a lot to look at. —She mused, perhaps to herself.

 —Well, there Is a lot of space...

 —What?

 She looked down at him with a frown, but it only him to look up to her with a smile and a second later she let out a small snort, albeit she kept a judging eyebrow raised.

 —Doug, that was bad.

 —But it made you laugh, didn't it? —He laughed—. That makes it good.

 —Not exactly, but okay. —Her voice was still amused as she put her hand on his shoulder, and he couldn't do anything else than to lean on her. Space was big, and beautiful, but it was also cold too. He felt her tense a bit, but she relaxed before he could think any of it. Instead they both looked out the window in silence for a few minutes.

 —What are you doing up, anyway? You said it yourself, it's pretty late.

 —...Couldn't sleep either. There's just... a lot of things to think about.

 —Hmm, yeah... —Silence streached between them and he asked again—. Do you... want to talk about it?

 That made her laugh, for some reason that he couldn't really understand, but finally sighed.

 —I guess.

 —We don't have to if-

 —No, no, if there's something that hell trip teached me is that not talking about your feelings later punches you in the gut in form of a life or death situation. —He looked up concerned, but she just smiled—. That happened quite a lot.

 —Oh...

 —Yeah. Anyway. I... I know it's... It may be silly to think about this right now but... I have a husband, in earth.

 —Really? That's great!

 —He probably believes I'm dead.

 —Oh, that's... that's not great. Sorry.

 —Yeah. When I- when we get back, I need to find him and talk to him. Tell him everything, how I'm alive, what happened, Goddard, you...

 —Me?

 —The memory thing. —Her words were hurried, but he just looked down.

 —Right, that.

 —I'll tell him everything and... I don't know, hope for the best? —She laughed, stained, and added to herself—. Can I even do that?

 —Well, it's what you deserve. —He heard another quick laugh, and he gingerly put his hand on her back—. I'm not joking this time.

 —...I know.

 —You're gonna find him, and you're gonna make up with him. He still gotta love you, I mean, how couldn't he? You're you. —She chuckled and pulled him closer by the shoulder, and his hand on her back tried to find a way to wrap around her on that excuse of a hug—. And if he doesn't... well, we're still here for you. You know?

 He looked at her again, and catched the glimpse of something on her face. It may have been the poor lit corridor but he could almost swear that her eyes looked glassy. She smiled.

 —I know.

 Those choked up words floated in the air for a while, as they watched the stars in silence. He could feel her irregular breathing against him, and he sighed. He wanted to make her feel better, but sometimes it felt like every time he talked he made it worse somehow.

 Time passed, and he only acted when she started to pull out.

 —Well, I'll try to catch some sleep before... —She dragged her words as he gently grabbed her from the wrist, before he pulled her close again in form of a hug. He was new to this, this Everything, really, but he felt as an echo that that was a good comforting technique, even if he was on his toes and couldn't feel a reaction from Minkowski's side.

 At first, at least, as he felt her composure break down a bit as she wrapped her arms around him. It was kind of uncomfortable the way his neck had to stretch to reach her shoulder, even as she bended a little, but they made it work. Perhaps too well, he thought to himself as he felt her sniffle against his hair. She pulled him even closer and for a second he thought that he couldn't breath, and wondered why that felt familiar to him.

 Home.

 He would stay like that forever wrapped on her arms if that ment feeling like home.

 He felt the unexpected urge to cry, as he felt her hands thread on his hair, softly. She took a shaky breath before whispering at his side and with one of her hands cupping his face.

 —I'm... I'm so glad you're alive.

 He sniffled, but took some distance to look at her. Raw emotion was what he could see on her face, flickering like the distant light of the stars against the black sky, but only about half of them were positive. In that moment he understood, really understood, the underlined "at least you're alive". He may not remember anything, he may not be himself anymore, but hey, at least he was alive. He didn't know how to feel about it. He certainly didn't feel happy.

 He smiled.

 —I'm glad you're alive too, Renée. I really, really am.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is ooc bc they actually talk about their feelings for once sdakfgsjd _fuck.........._ i just want them to be happy..... Also I have So Many headcanons for post canon eiffel, most of them are sad but I want to believe that after all he gets a happy ending, someday, they all do ;_; 
> 
> I definitely wanna write more post canon stuff but yeah this is... an important scenes in my mental canon. 
> 
> Hope you liked it !!


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